I have been so off my game not setting my intentions and goals. Not working out like I was before. Not centered...(not sure I was before)...but in a pure survival mode.Trying to survive hour by hour, then day by day. I feel like I cannot catch up on life! I need to...read more
Just another Sunday….
Well…actually it’s not. Today is Father’s Day. I have mixed feelings about Father’s Day. It is one of those days, where I wonder if he remembers us. I know through the wonders of the interwebs, and a quick Facebook stalk that he does, in fact, have other kids. Ones that he (in a Facebook world) are actually around. Around enough to put them as his profile picture. (This sounds dumb, I know.)
I distinctly remember getting a (MySpace) message from the other girl- he doesn’t love you, he doesn’t care about you or the baby, find someone who will. I am sure it took a lot of “guts” to say. I am sure she was hurting. (Find someone who will…that repeats in my mind often.)
Here’s the think though she knows the baby, my son exist. She knows he has nothing to do with him. No visits, so money, nothing. They are both seemingly ok with that fact.
So, again, it is Father’s Day. This day makes me feel horrible. I feel horrible for my son. He has his grandpa, but is that enough? Is that the same? I don’t know. I don’t know that I do enough to be both parents.
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It is my last week of vacation. My last week of class. My birthday week. It is my last week of vacation. Next week I go back, to this world of unknown and stress. And mid-summer travel, which causes so much mom-guilt and chaos. My son is going to have to miss day camp...read more