That MAMALIFE Blog

Stuck in the In-between

Maybe it is because it was just my birthday. Maybe it is because one of my baby cousins got engaged. (Along with my sister, and my other cousin expecting his first baby…) Maybe is because I am always single. Maybe it is because dating apps SUCK and boys (not calling them anything other than boys) seem to think they can say whatever they want to you. From telling me how to spend my time (evidently working two jobs as a single parent is frowned upon), to telling me “if you act right you can do wxyz”. I’m sorry, what?

I have all these things I want. Bills paid. Relationship. Get out of debt. (SO MUCH DEBT!) Be a good mom. Take my son on vacations. TIME.

I am torn. I need to work and side hustle like a crazy person to be able to buy life essentials, you know like food and clothes for my kid. I need to work to attempt to pay off this ridiculous credit card debt. I need to work to make the never ending payments on my students loans. Yet, at the same time, I feel the need to change otherwise how I am I going to get what I want?

It is the the ultimate catch-22. I cannot literally move to where I want to be because I need money. I need money to pay off debt. To get money, I have to HUSTLE and work more than one job. Which causes the mom-guilt and prevents me from developing friendships and relationships.

How do you move forward when you are constantly so stuck in this cycle? Stuck in the cause and effect. How do you create that balance and make it happen? I am so bored and sick of waiting.

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